Articles

My Husband is Self-Centered and I Want More!

Q Dear Dr. Tobin, I have been married nine years and we have four children three boys and one girl. I feel that my husband is very self-centered. He is a full-time public defender who puts no effort into child care or maintaining the home. He also puts no time into our marriage. The unfortunate thing is that even though he works 60 plus hours a

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Marital Games

Q Dear Dr. Tobin, My wife and I seem to have many arguments over my taking time for myself. She is home all week with the kids, however, she gets out of the house three times a week for an average of 2½ to 3½ hours an evening. I, on the other hand, go to work and come home to sit the kids and get

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Is It Time to End the Marriage?

Q Dear Dr. Tobin, Is it normal for me and my husband to live totally separate lives? He has developed a whole persona at a job 50 miles from where we live. I have never met any of his co-workers and he has never invited me to his office. On two recent occasions he half-heartedly asked if I wanted to go to parties for coworkers

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On Marital Communication

Dear Visitor, Let me begin by saying the obvious: Communication is the heart of a successful relationship. Your words, spoken or written, soul to soul, are what foster change and growth in your partner or your loved one. Your openness to the words of your spouse, parent or child is what deepens your connection with him or her and with yourself. Letter writing has traditionally

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Marital Passion

I. Question: What are the key forces that impact passion in a marriage? Answer: In my experience, the major variables affecting marital passion are a sense of wonder and newness, coupled with a strong desire to please the other. One of the reasons that a new relationship or an affair is often so exciting, is that the couple wants to bring pleasure to each another which stimulates

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I’ve Lost Interest in My Depressed Wife

Q Dear Dr. Tobin, My wife and I have been married 21 years and have 3 daughters. Since I have known her, she has suffered from insecurity and a poor self-image, resulting from bad experiences during her teen years. She was a bit heavy, had severe acne, and had few friends. During her college years, she had high anxiety about grades, and spent all her

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My Partner Is Ruining My Name

Q Dear Dr. Tobin, When we have conflicts, my partner does not want to involve his friends or family, rather he feels free to contact my employer. In one case he contacted a prospective employer and I lost that opportunity. In another case, he informed a prospective employer that I was no longer available for work, which was not true. What are the guidelines regarding

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My Ten Year Power Struggle

Q Dear Dr. Tobin, My husband and I are and have been having a power struggle for nearly 10 years. He is stronger in the struggle than I am and it has now reached a physical level. He feels like I have hurt him and has withdrawn his love and takes but rarely gives. We are parents of three who sometimes see their father swearing

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Premature Ejaculation

Q Dear Dr. Tobin, I’m married with three young children. We are both working. By the time we take care of our clients and children, we have little energy for one another. We rarely reach sexual encounter. I often experience premature ejaculation.Any suggestions? Thanks,Sexually Frustrated A Dear Sexually Frustrated, Based on your description of the problem I suspect that you already know the answer. Focusing

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Should I Marry My Fiance?

Q Dear Dr. Tobin, I have to make a decision about a young man that I have been dating for six months. I live in Indianapolis and he lives in the State of Washington. We are both Christians and have an open communication line that the majority of married people would envy. The problem is that upon his return visit back to Washington, after the

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Articles by Michael Tobin
Dr. Michael Tobin has been a psychologist for forty-seven years specializing in couple and family therapy. He co-founded a theater company that performed vignettes on family and marital issues, which he co-wrote. These plays were performed over 100 times. He is the co-founder of www.wholefamily.com, an award winning website that focuses on how to solve typical marital and family challenges.